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Hey! I know it's been a long time since the last time I wrote anything in here. But for my defence, I 've been busy: home, lessons...well. So here it is, in a few days it will be a year since he broke up with me. Gosh. And I still feel so bad;;; I spent my whole week end crying, huh and today too. As long as I am alone, in tne train, in my flat, or even at home, well, as long as I am alone I cry. I can't prevent the tears from rolling on my cheeks...For Godsake! I so want him back. You know it's very hard during the day but as if it was not hard enough now I even have dreams about him!!!! it's been a long time snce I wrote anything. Well it's a bit hard, it's my week of exams and I have so much to do.

I haven't done anything the past weeks, and I haven't seen anybody either. It's just that I don”t want to see anybody, I just want to stay alone. Actually this is not quite true, I feel good when I am at home, I mean at my mother's. I don't really feel good but I feel a bit better. I'd like to be with my mother right now, and my sisters. I miss them...even if was with them four days ago. I really suffered a lot the past weeks. I am ok now but it's because my mind is busy with the exams. I know it will come back, tomorrow night. When they will be done, the emptiness will come back.

Last week was just awful, I missed Joris so much. I had a lot of dreams, where he was in, I was always thinking about him, and the worst thing happened on saturday, while I was doin shopping with my mother and my sister. I saw him. Thanks God he did not see me. But it broke me, really. I took my trolley and I went right to the car. I sat, and I cried. That was really not the good day to see him. He was not alone, he was with two guys, at least that was not his girlfriend. On the evening there were some friends of my sister, to celebrate her birthday. I was so bad I drunk too much. On the next day I did the same. Well I felt even more bad.

Death is peaceful. Easy. Life is harder. But what can I do? I am not going to commit a suicide. I cannot do it, I love my mother, my sisters, my family and my friends to much to make something so stupid. And we only have one life, so death is not a solution. But anyway, life is hard. T's nothing as we imagined it would be, it's always slightly different, even when you want something simple, there's always something that you have not expect which happens. This is life. That is the story of my life.